"Do you agree that a corporation is a person?"

My jury duty questionnaire: "Do you agree that a corporation is a person?"

It was time for me to serve on jury duty again. It's easy to get out of jury duty but frankly I think the jury system is the backbone of America. Serving on a jury is the most patriotic thing I can do -- aside from protesting election fraud.

So there I was in the courtroom. Jury selection. "This trial is a civil trial. A corporation is suing a corporation. Does anybody have trouble with the belief that a corporation is a person?" There were 58 people in that jury pool. Not one of them raised their hand. Except for me. I went OFF on that poor sweet judge.

"What do you MEAN that a corporation is a person!!!! A table is not a person. A chair is not a person. And a corporation is not a person either!" Me and that guy on "Law and Order". I was on a roll.

"Your Honor!" I expounded. "In 1886, in the case of Santa Clara County v. Southern Pacific Railroad, a lowly LAW CLERK by the name of J.C. Bancroft Davis -- a former employee of a railroad, mind you -- SNUCK a headnote into a decision, saying that a corporation is as good as a person. That headnote was not legally binding! And for the last 118 YEARS, America has been PRETENDING that corporations were living, breathing persons! Your Honor! That's just wrong."

I paused for breath. The judge paused for the bailiff. The Plaintiff looked worried and the Defendant looked worried too -- but by golly I was going to have my day in court! "No judge has ever ruled on this issue. You can't even cite case law on this. Can a corporation die? Can a corporation father a child?" And can a corporation receive welfare? Don't answer that.

I find it very hard to believe that every day, across this great nation of ours, thousands -- if not hundreds of thousands -- of perspective jurors are being asked this very same question and yet the whole nation-wide jury pool hasn't stood up in open rebellion when asked this stupid, cheesy question. "Does anybody have trouble with the belief that a corporation is a person?" What are we? A nation of sheep?

Needless to say, I was excused from jury duty. A corporation, however, did not step up to take my place. Why? Because a corporation is not allowed to serve on juries. Why not? Because at least someone somewhere has the good sense to realize that A CORPORATION IS NOT A PERSON!